Dear Steve,
Can you love someone but be madly in love with someone else? Are we meant to be monogamous for 40 something years? I married the safe guy, the good guy, the guy who will be there for you no matter what. The one who makes you laugh and knows you. The other guy is the love of my life – the guy who reminds you that you can be passionate, you don't always have to play it safe, and that you can be pushed outside your comfort zone.
History: I dated both guys on and off for years. While they never met, they know about each other. When I married the safe guy, I thought that was it – I was content and OK with how my life ended up. But things have happened since we’ve been married (nothing to do with him and not his fault, but extreme trauma nonetheless) and I’ve kind of become a bit of a shell of a person. Therapy helped somewhat, but only goes so far.
My ex, the love of my life, suddenly showed up at seemingly the perfect time, and that empty space is starting to feel not so empty. Feelings I never thought I would know again have trickled back in. No cheating; all we've done is talk (he lives 3,000 miles away). I certainly do not want to divorce my husband; he's been there through it all and loves me as best he can. It's just not the same. I know this crowd well enough that cheating will bring out the pitchforks (and honestly I could care less about those). I'm looking for real answers/suggestions either how to cope or how to maneuver through this.
– Comfort Zone