Dear Steve,
I finally told my wife of nearly 30 years, the last 10 being without sex, that I wanted a divorce. She is a truly good and kind person and I've stayed married out of obligation to provide for her, although she has a decent job and good benefits. Throughout our marriage I’ve paid the mortgage and all our bills and bought her a good car. The only thing she does for me (and I mean only) is to provide my health insurance. Our life together is civil and peaceful, but my frustration is unbearable. We have no personal connection to each other apart from our grown kids and grandchildren, and she is content to devote her life to them. On my part, I feel that my kids are in charge of their lives and that I've done my best for them and I deserve to lead the life that makes me happy.
When I told her that I wanted a divorce, she said "why bother"? Her only concern seemed to be where she would live. Since I come and go as I please, I’ve met a few women who I sensed were interested in me, but things never progressed, in part, I believe, because I was always upfront about my situation and I really wasn't comfortable with cheating, although I question whether it really would have been.
At the time, it was OK to tell myself that just having a woman interested in me was an accomplishment. The last woman I met was with someone who I assumed was her boyfriend. We exchanged numbers and planned to meet again. I made small talk with this woman (who is much younger than I) but didn't think much of it until she texted me out of the blue the next day saying how nice it was to see me. Through some back and forth we ended up meeting for drinks, which seemed to go well. Our communication is pretty much at zero now. I feel part of the reason is that my marriage made us both hesitant to take things further. Still, the steps I made caused me to feel like more of a man than I had in a long time, while also realizing I was a coward, and it was this that finally caused me to tell my wife I wanted a divorce. So now that I've made the first step. I know that telling a woman that I asked my wife for a divorce is weak, but I feel free to do what I want, more than I have in a long time.
I also realize that until I am divorced I will never be one hundred percent free to pursue any kind of relationship with another woman. I realize I’ll get a lot of ridicule, but save the age comments.
Signed,
Not Yet Divorced